Pictures, As Promised....

Sooo.. here's a recap...

My husband works for a flooring company, which I used to think was great because we could always get great deals on tile/wood floors/carpet and I had a hubby handy enough to do the work himself! The first 3 (count em, three) houses we lived in, he only insisted on minor projects here and there. However, something about this house (the first one we are actually planning on staying in for a while!) has him all kinds of crazy about remodeling everything!

We closed at the end of January, moved in the first weekend of February, and by the end of that month our master bath was half-gutted. He ripped out the nasty old glass shower enclosure, and all the tile around the shower and tub, as well as the old shower pan. I was certainly glad to see all that go.. the house was built in the late80's and it definitely looked like the bathroom was still the original. ICK. Little did I know it would take 8 months to get to this point, where the end is in sight! I was pretty patient the first few months, because until mid-July he was working 2 jobs and hardly had enough time to think, let alone tile our bathroom! But once he quit his PT job and was home on the weekends, my patience slowly dwindled until I finally gave him a deadline. He was to have it finished before we leave for our Thanksgiving trip, or I was going to hire someone to come finish the job... on his dollar. Suddenly, he had the time to work on it! Huh.

The tile is now complete.. all we need to do is caulk around the edges including up by the ceiling, and order the glass. We talked to the glass company today and they should be coming out to take measurements Friday, then it should only take a week or so to get our order in - then we're good to go!! I can't wait to shower in our own bathroom again and not have to trek across the house at zero dark hour every morning!!! Can-not-wait.
So.. here are the "after" tile photos (before caulk and glass).

In the first photo - you can see why the edges need to be caulked!
Also.. the ribbon of tile around the middle ends where it does because that is where the glass enclosure sits, no need to use the fancy stuff underneath the glass where it can't be seen! ;)
One more thing, that little nook wasn't there before. DH was kind of enough to build that in when he ripped out the old stuff. YAY! I don't have to put my shampoo's and things on the floor anymore!

Zoomed in a little, you can see a bit more of the detail.

Close up of the deco tiles - this is more true to the actual color than the other 2 pics.
I'm not sure what happened with the lighting there.. its not as orange as that second picture makes it seem. Its a soft, sandy brown color.
The front edges of the nook will be glazed to match the rest of the tile, instead of having the raw edges they have now.

I am so proud of my husband for working so hard, and doing such a great job. And I am so glad he works for the company he does.. know how much this project cost us? Um... about $150 (before glass). YES!!!

Next on his Honey-Do List: Finishing the Kitchen Countertops he ripped out in June! Luckily we have completed all the prep work and already have all the granite for the counters and travertine for the backsplash - we're only waiting on installation. And I will not let it go 8 month unfinished this time, I will not.

Think About It....

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe

"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
-Robert Frost

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy to Report....

I finally had an appointment with my doctor that didn't leave me in tears!
Hooooooray!
Today was my colpo, and everything went really well. Far better than I had prepared myself for, but with the bad news that has been drowning us lately, I have learned that its easier for me to expect the worst and hope for the best. Well.. I finally got something I hoped for! That seems to be a rarity these days and I couldn't be any happier with today's results!
Sooo.. basically she said everything with my cervix looks "pretty normal" (and I didn't ask her to define 'pretty normal' though I debated doing so in my head) and she couldn't even find cells worthy of a biopsy! Wooooohoo! She did say she noticed a few "changes" (again, did not ask for a defintion) but nothing that we need to worry about at this point. She wants me to come back in 6 months for a follow-up pap and --without me even asking-- said that my cervix is no longer cause for postponing pregnancy.
See, my doc and I have seen so much of each other in the last couple months that she now knows me well enough to know that the very first question out of my mouth is always "So what does this mean for us trying to get pregnant?". I don't even have to ask anymore. I think I love her.

I am so far beyond relieved by today's findings, or lack thereof, I suppose. I keep trying to think of words to describe how I feel, and relief is all that comes to mind.. but "relief" just doesn't like an accurate description. There's got to be a better word for this... But I don't care to waste my time thinking of one. I'd rather revel in my happiness for a time.

Soooo... "jacked up cervix" can now be crossed off our list of TTC setbacks. Now we can focus on this thing in my boob. We have our next ultrasound set for December 16 to track what kind of (if any) growth we are dealing with. I'm still not exactly sure why we need to wait 8 weeks just to potentially say "Yep, it is indeed growing, lets get it out of there" when we could just get it out there now and never think about it again. I like the idea of resolving the issue in a way that means it will never need a second thought - not in a way that will require follow-ups every year from now til forever. I mentioned that to Dr. Awesome today and she agrees with me, but she said she can also understand why the surgeon didn't want to rush to surgery over something that is not-cancerous and only about 2cm (according to the biopsy). Ok fine, makes sense.. but come December, I'm asking for the surgery.
Dr. Awesome also said something to the effect of "..And ya know, it wouldn't be the end of the world if you were to accidentally get pregnant before the next ultrasound. Your life wouldn't be in any danger, nor would your baby's, we would just want to monitor you a bit more closely."

Soo.. I plan on discussing the idea of "accidentally" getting pregnant with the hubby. Maybe that would be fun... I mean, come on, all the cool kids do it. My logical brain (which is much much smaller than my emotional one) says to just suck it up and wait 2 more months like we were told, just to be safe and to get the surgery behind us. I think I'll mull it over for a few days (since this cycle is already hopeless) and see which brain wins.

G'Nite

Ha! I wish!
Here is that insomnia crap I was talking about earlier in the week.
My body feels so physically exhausted.. my eyes are so puffy - I just want to sleep.
But I can't.
I've tried laying in bed, TV off - nothing.
I've tried reading a book in bed (which almost always works) - nothing.
I've tried sleeping in the guest room - no better than the master.
I've even tried laying on the recliner and the couch - Nope. Nothing.
I had every intention of being in bed early (and by early I mean like 7pm!) and getting a full night of much-needed rest.
Bwahahaha... my wandering mind had other plans.
And yes, I know 1030 is not late by most standards, but for me it most certainly is.
There was only ever 1 night a week I was up til 10, and that is Sundays to watch Brothers & Sisters. Every other night of the week, I like to be in bed around 9.
I wake up for work at zero-dark-hour and spend an exhausting (but exciting) 11.5 hour day with twin toddlers, not counting my time spent commuting to and fro. 1030 is laaaate. Especially when I am already beyond sleep deprived.
Hmpf.

In other news,
I had a less-than-awesome conversation with my mother this evening.
Left me feeling sad and misunderstood...
And I have also come to the conclusion that every time I post a positive blog, I jinx myself.

Mere moments after bragging about my awesome week, I was face to face with one instance that left me fearful and worried and another that left me a little saddened and jealous.
But that's okay - today's afternoon turn of events does not take away from the almost 5 wonderful days I had Saturday thru this morning.
I am thankful to have had a break from all the stresses of our new reality, if even for just a few days.

Now I sit here at the computer feeling physically exhausted, but unable to fall asleep.
The vanilla-coated Tylenol PM's in my nightstand are calling my name.. my husband hates when I take them, so I rarely do - but I think tonight he'd understand.

Let's try this again.
Nighty Night.

Wonderful Wednesday

It totally sucks to see super-duper fertile quality CF and have to ignore it.

Sucky. Sucky.

What a great week this has been though! 

Sunday night involved me, a recliner, our new tv and a little Desperate Housewives, Brothers & Sisters, and some yummy vino. Great way to gear up for the week!

Monday was a rough day at work, but it was all good because I got to meet some of my lovely ladies at Chuy's for some good food, FJ in honor of KC (we've got a ton of K names in this group!), and wonderful, entertaining conversation - as usual. ;)

Then last night Andy and I attended a Grand Opening of sorts for our wedding photog's new studio downtown. He sorta-kinda joined forces with an awesome local wedding planner to share the space, so they invited everyone near and far to celebrate with them last night and show off the new digs. I got to meet some of the ridiculously talented photographers Austin is blessed with - which was so funny and so surreal at the same time. I have blog-stalked these ladies for well over a year now, so meeting them face to face just felt like meeting with some old friends. We had such a great time.. and I was so honored to have been included in the festivities! You ladies (and guy) rock! 

I am so thankful to be having such a wonderful week after being in such a low place lately - and I really hope the joy continues. Tomorrow I meet with my OB again, and we have the colpo during this appointment, too. Please please think good thoughts for us - we really hope the poor results last week were just a fluke. I hope they find nothing of concern! We have enough to deal with already. 

Happy Hump Day, everyone!

I'll update tomorrow with any news.  

I. am. so. tired.

Holy Moly - I can hardly keep my eyes open. 

I am so exhausted!

I should expect so much having been up til 11, then unable to fall asleep once I actually got in bed. But that has been my trend lately - not getting in bed til super late.. then letting my mind wander and finally falling asleep sometime around midnight.  Keep in mind our alarm goes off at 5am, I have to be at work at 7 and don't get to head home til 630. 

This all started just over a week ago - and its driving both me and Andy crazy. 

I'm not really a peach in the morning when I have barely had any sleep, and apparently the process of me falling asleep these days involves so much tossing and turning that its starting to disrupt Andy's sleep as well. Poor guy.

I am not a fan of this sudden insomnia.

I don't know if it is due to, or even related to, all the stress we've been under lately.. but whatever the cause, we need to fix this soon.

For the sake of the girls, who I'm sure don't want a zombie nanny; for my poor husband and of course, for my own health and sanity.

And go figure - the day I am dragging so bad is the day Big Sister M stays home from school "sick". I say so in quotes because she has no fever, is totally hyper, and running around like a crazy person. All 3 girls, all day long. Wooohoo. 

Naptime for the twins today will also be naptime for me.. hope I can wake up feeling a little more alive. 

Here you go, K

I loaded up some pics during commercials,
so here ya go...

This is standing at our front door, looking into the living room.
Notice that lovely curtain! I hung that myself! :)

Our old TV used to be in the left corner in front of the big window and the couch that is now on the left wall used to be facing the fireplace. So when you would walk in the door, you'd see the back of the couch and I hated that! So now the room is much more open! Yay.
We are still trying to figure out what to do with the mantle. We used to have photos and candles lined up, but now I feel like we should leave it plain so as not to take away from the TV and all its glory! My husband agrees, but I just can't stand to part with those candlesticks.
**Please disregard the cables hanging all over the place - all the wiring will be in the walls once we get the satellite people out here with our HD box.. you won't see any cords.**
If anyone has any suggestions on what to do with/where to put our DVD player and cable box - please share. We have no idea what to do with them and don't want them to take up permanent residence on the mantle!
Above is the left wall... we are in the market for new end tables, one for either side of the couch. And looking at this wall in photos makes me sad - our decor looks so tiny on that giant wall,
but I never noticed that in person.
I should have never taken a picture of it.. now I want to switch it up! ;)
Don't tell my husband.
That coffee table was made by my hubby - its stained wood (espresso) and travertine tile.
I should have taken a close-up of it.. he did a great job!
And.. the photo above is the other wall. (Hi, hubby!)
The archway leads to the 2 extra bedrooms and the extra bath.
That door next to the fireplace goes to the backyard.
I bought that brown curtain today too, but its too long so I will be trimming and hemming it one evening this week. We are buying another magnetic curtain rod to go along the bottom (it's a steel door). So the curtain will be secured along both top and bottom.
And geez - our mirror and sconces look tiny in this photo, too! What's up with that?

And now, our bedroom.
We have had the photo of our holding hands for quite a while, its my favorite!
But we just added the other photo (taken by mollie) and the "O" last weekend.
The frame above our bathroom door says "Always kiss me goodnight".
We added all the decorations on and around the dresser last weekend as well.
Obviously we still need to fill those frames - as excited as I was to get the wedding photos back, its crazy that I've never done anything with them!!
Time to order some prints, I suppose.
I'm not totally sold on the plant in the corner -
but until we figure out something better to go there, it can stay.

There ya go K - I tried to take a pic of the bathroom decor but was vetoed by the hubby.
No photos until the tile work is done.
The shower is in shambles at the moment.
Bathroom photos coming soon! :)

PS - It has taken me forever to finish this post -
I've been typing and uploading pics on commercials, so
I keep running back and forth from the office to the living room so I don't miss my shows.
Oh, the sacrifices I make for my friends!

Go me!

Just one quick note -
I am not a handy gal, not a DIYer when it comes to tasks around the house, and definitely not very good with tools (or good at all).

However, my husband was not on board with curtains for our living room, and I am sick of looking at the mini-blinds. So I went up to Target, bought me some curtains and a cute little curtain rod - and went home and hung them by myself. By myself. Without my husband.
Yay me!
And they didn't fall down when I actually put the curtains on!
AND - they are level. YAY!
I am so proud of myself.
A tad ridiculous, yes, I am aware of that. But hello? I used 3 different tools and had to find the 2 correct drill bits. And I didn't even call him for help.

He'll be so surprised, and probably won't believe I did it myself.
Oh well, he doesn't need to believe me.. I'm proud enough for the both of us.

Good Night.

YIPPEE!!!!

I got a call from my older sister last night to let me know that

SHE'S PREGNANT!!!

That is such fantastic news! Her and her husband have been trying to conceive for nearly 2 1/2 years.. they are definitely long overdue for their BFP and I seriously could not be any happier for them!!! They are going to be such remarkable parents, their little bean doesn't even know how blessed it is.
They are currently building the home of their dreams, and I am so glad they will get to set up a nursery right away. It is exactly what my sister has always wanted - their dream home complete with a little one to love. 2009 is going to be an AMAZING year for them, and for our family.
Based on her LMP, they are guessing she's about 5 weeks along right now, so we are all praying that this little bean decides to snuggle in and get cozy. My sister keeps repeating "I just hope this is real" - so we are also praying for her peace and trust in her body to do its job. Stick little one, stick!

In other big news, my husband and I have officially lost. our. minds.
We decided a couple weeks ago that for Christmas and our birthdays (my bday is about a week after Christmas, and his is 9 days later) we would give each other a new flat screen TV. Well, for some reason I let him talk me into "just looking" at Circuit City this morning. We said we would just go get a feel for our options, thats it. Yeah, right. From there we went to Best Buy, where we fell in love with one particular TV (and its price) and went home to measure the space above our fireplace mantle. We got our measurements then went to Conn's for one last comparison, and headed back to Best Buy to bring our baby home.
Yep, we've lost it.
We "gave" each other a Sharp 46" LCD TV. Yay!!!
Merry Christmas.
We are now waiting for my BIL to come over and help us hang it. He has a construction company and is a Certified Electrician, so we opted out of the store installation and he will do it for us. The best part: we got to rearrange the furniture in our living room and it looks sooo much better now, and much larger!! We had a big screen, old style "tube" TV, so it was in a corner of our living room, and the only way we could arrange our furniture to accomodate it left the room feeling very closed off from the rest of the house, and very confined. Everything is now open and breezy and feels much more welcoming! Once we get the TV up, I will take photos of the new arrangement, as well as our newly decorated master bedroom.

Looks like postponing TTC has left us bitten by the home redecorating bug instead of the baby bug. This could be detrimental to our pocket book, but so far we're okay. We agreed that this has to be the last impulse purchase we make for a long time.. we even shook on it. So we will need to find something else, equally as exciting, to occupy our minds and idle hands while we wait for the TTC green light. Any suggestions??

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!!
Hooray for Happy Days!!!

I officially declare today Random Friday

1. At the park with the twins on Tuesday morning, G decided to make a break for it and take off running. I ordered A to stay put (which of course, she did not!) and ran after G... along the way, the edge of my foot landed funny on a rock or something, which twisted my ankle and sent me flying. I caught myself on my hands and knees and really wasn't scraped up at all - and I did catch G - but the twisting motion did something funky to my left leg. My ankle was sore that day but fine the next, but ever since my calf has been killing me. The pain feels a little bit like how I would describe shin splints, but concentrated on the left side of my leg. I do not like it, and I want it to go away.

2. In all honesty, after making the decision to not TTC for at least 2 months, I really worried about what kind of stress or strain that would put on our relationship. For the last nearly 6 months, TTC has been the focus of our lives. Counting cycle days, temping/charting, planning our outings or trips around my fertile window, eating or avoiding certain foods/beverages, planning and fantasizing about the future and the nursery and the carseats and strollers and toys... we have definitely had babies, and only babies, on the brain. I really feared for us for a few days; for our communication, the way we process our stress, whether or not either of us (or both) would be angry or bitter, what this might do to our sex life over the "wait" period... I was afraid. But I am happy to say that we have had a wonderful week. Of course we had our couple days of sulking and complaining about the injustices of the universe.. but by Monday we were both in better spirits. We talked through every little detail of what our game plan needs to be between now and mid-December and I have finally arrived at a point where I can talk about our reality without breaking down in tears. We have enjoyed our evenings together, watching football, visiting my family, and playing drinking games during the debate.. I had nothing to worry about. I've always known how lucky I am to be married to such an amazing man, and I shouldn't have doubted for a second that we would be able to face this challenge together, and with a good attitude. 

3. After the text convo I posted about earlier in the week, I started reflecting on (and by reflecting I mean overanalyzing and worrying about) where certain friendships stand these days. Its amazing to me the way all relationships evolve over time.. and in this case, the evolution of this friendship has left me feeling at a loss. I have been incredibly close to her for the last 7 years. She has been my best friend by all definitions of the term. I can't look back and even imagine how I would have made it to this point in my life without her - yet for the last few months, she has started feeling more and more like a stranger to me. As our individual lives have changed, the ways in which we can relate to one another have as well. We used to have the same responsibilities (or lack thereof), the same ideals, and morals, and priorities. But we are just so different these days - and in such different places. I want to say that these things shouldn't (or wouldn't) effect such a strong friendship, but sadly that just hasn't been the case. I no longer feel like she understands where I am or what I am going through, and while that didn't used to matter before, I no longer feel comfortable sharing intimate details of my life with her. And the times I have poured my heart out to her, I have been shocked or disappointed by her response. I've drafted several emails to her about this sort of thing, but each time I have discarded what I wrote out of fear of the repercussions. I am trying not to let myself feel like I have lost a friend.. just that this friendship has changed. I want to be able to keep in close touch with her and her family, but I need to get used to the idea that she just won't be as integral a player in my life as she once was. And this is not to say that I think any less of her as a person, or a friend - she has never been outwardly or intentionally mean or insensitive, she just doesn't seem to have the experiences or capacity to relate to my life anymore and therefore isn't the type of support or encouragement I think I need right now. Its sad, and maybe over time things will evolve back into the relationship we once had.. but for now, it hurts to wake up and realize things changed so quickly and so drastically. 

4. In times like this, where my resolve is so tested, I try to always identify what the highlight of each day has been. Some days are harder than others when I think back and try to find a glowing moment - but I already have 2 today and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. 

First, a friend from the board found out this morning that her first round of clomid was a success - she is finally expecting baby number one!!! I am so so excited for her and her husband! 

And secondly, this morning the girls and I were dancing around to some kiddie music (they loooove to dance) and I was trying to get them a little more excited so I was dancing around like a looney. I look over to see A is laughing, AT me, and then she turns to her sister, points at me and starts talking their secret twin-language. They both started pointing at me and giggling - then copying my dance with big grins! Any other time, to be pointed & laughed at would humiliate me to no end, crush my spirits, ruin my day - but to see these two sweet girls "talking" to each other and getting so excited about dancing around without inhibition - it made my day. I love those girls. 

5. I read this in Oprah magazine this morning, in the article titled "What I Know For Sure".. Simon Baker (from The Mentalist on CBS) said "Expectations are somewhat dangerous. You can't control everything. At times, you have to sit back and go with it." 

Amen. 

And yes, in my head I heard it said with his delicious Australian accent. That makes the quote even better, I do believe. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. 

Take some time to celebrate "The Sweetest Day" tomorrow.. we will be going for some yummy dinner and cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory in honor of such a gloriously titled 'holiday'. Okay, so the point of the day is not to celebrate sugar or give into my chocolate indulgences.. but thats okay. The day is really supposed to be "an occasion which offers all of us an opportunity to remember not only the sick, aged and orphaned, but also friends, relatives and associates whose helpfulness and kindness we have enjoyed". 

So thank you friends, for your helpfulness through my tough times and your kindness always. You have all touched my life in ways I could have never fathomed, and it amazes me that I have forged such connections with women I've met on the internet. Who knew?