Just because...

... I wanted 2 happy posts in a row!
There really isn't much to report, especially in comparison to the events of the last couple weeks.
In all honesty, I just wanted to have 2 posts in a row to be happy!

Today Mama is feeling well! Yesterday, not so much, but it wasn't near as bad as it could be, or has been. So I won't complain.
Today has been wonderful, and wonderfully productive.
At this very moment, Daddy is grouting the new kitchen floor, having just finished grouting the new backsplash. That's right - he finally got around to finishing the kitchen! [Thank you Poppy, you are far better motivation for Daddy than I have ever been!!!]
The best part of the kitchen being completed? Daddy finally being convinced we need a new dishwasher!! We went to Lowe's and picked one out, and it must be our lucky day, because they had one in stock that we took home on the spot!! As soon as the grout is dry, we'll be able to reinstall all the appliances, including Mama's shiny new dishwasher. WOOHOO!
I wish we could have also purchased a new stove, and perhaps a new fridge... but we can take baby steps. Its alright.
We also filed our taxes today, and although it was a little less of a return than we had anticipated.. it beats having to pay in like we did last year! Yay again!

I love happy days.
I love knowing that I have a wiggly baby growing like crazy in my belly.
I love spending the day with Daddy, and Daddy getting things done around the house.
I love staring at Poppy's ultrasound pictures, all. day. long.
And I love Girl Scout Cookies, yes I do.

Good Night.
9w4d
24 days until we see Poppy again.

We've got an over achiever!!!

Perhaps that is why Mommy has been so sick? Poppy is growing at a feverish pace!
We had my "first" OB appointment today, and by "first" I should say "sixth". But you know.
Their ultrasound machines are newer (and way cooler) so my doctor wanted to do another ultrasound just to be sure the info gathered Monday morning was accurate. Which it was not.
Poppy consistently measured larger today.. at 9 weeks even. WOOHOO. We get to skip ahead a week! Well, its only skipping ahead 6 days, but close enough.
My due date has now been changed to September 1st. Yay!!
Does that mean I should only be feeling crappy for about 3 more weeks?
I think so! And again we say.. YAY!!!

It was so fun to see Poppy again. I missed him/her from yesterday. haha
And a quick little disclaimer: I know I say "he" a lot, and I would love to be carrying a precious little boy in there.. but I would love a little princess just as much. Truth be told, I feel bad saying "it" and for some reason "he/him" seems to just roll off my tongue. Mother's Intuition? Perhaps. But I wouldn't put any weight in my gender references quite yet! :)

Back to the appt today...
His (haha) heartbeat was still strong at 171. He (now I'm just messin' with ya!) measures right at one inch. And man oh man, he is a squirmy little thing. We sat there for a few minutes laughing with the tech, just watching him dance around. We could see his little legs kicking, his little arm waving around, and his little head bobbing. I think he really was dancing, maybe to the beat of that fast little heart of his! I just loved staring at that screen. We both did. A was just amazed. And when we got to hear his heartbeat, wow. That is when I got a little teary. Seeing the flicker is the most amazing sight.. but hearing it.. I can't even explain. It was wonderful. What an experience.
This time we were able to have 2 pictures printed off.. so let's get to it.
Forgive me for the crappy quality.. our real comp is fried, and our printer software can't be installed on my old old laptop (that I'm using).. so this is a camera phone pic, emailed to me, then uploaded. But you get the point when you see the pic...
Its kind of funny to me that the tech felt the need to put an arrow pointing to the baby... just in case we were confused. Its hard to see on the pic, though it was crystal clear in real time, but his head is on the left and his bum is on the right. You can see his little feet buds sticking up, and the darker lines of his little arm/hand buds below his head. That circle to the right is the yolk sac.

Look at our little babe. So perfect. The tech predicted he has brown hair and blue eyes. LOL. We all got a kick out of that.

The rest of the appt was typical 1st appt stuff: pee in a cup, exam, Q&A, lab work (even though they've drawn blood from me 4 other times in the last 2 weeks!). Before we left we scheduled the appt for our "first screen" test.. which will be Feb 24. I am so glad we will get to see Poppy again in just 4 short weeks!! Then again 7 wks later to find out if Poppy really is the he I have been alluding to. YAY!

And before I go, can I just say how AWESOME it is to have a whole post with nothing but good news!!! Thank you, Poppy!!!
9 weeks. 9 weeks. Yay, 9 weeks!

Oi Vey.

Here we are, almost a week following my last blog post and soo much has happened.
Last week actually went pretty well, for the most part. I still had a few days that started out a little rough, so being able to take my mornings in slow-motion was invaluable! Perhaps this part-time gig ain't so bad after all. ;)
I picked up the sweet girls after lunch/before nap and would spend the afternoons with them, and they seem to be adjusting to preschool pretty well. Of course there are/were tears involved in drop off, and oddly enough, in pick-up as well.. but we always got great reports from their teacher, and they always seemed excited to "tell me" about their days. It was actually kind of rewarding to see them in their classrooms, not nearly as emotional as I had anticipated. They are such big girls now. It just amazed me each day to see them in their room with the other toddlers and remember the little 4 and 5 pound miracles they started out as. *tear*
However, come Friday afternoon, things started looking troublesome again. Not with the girls, but with my own self. The meds they had me on had been working very well all week long, and I didn't change up the routine at all on Friday. In fact, my day was basically planned around these doses spaced out every 3 hours. Pick Up Girls, Nap Time, Medicine, Snack Time, Play Time, Medicine, Drive home, Dinner, Medicine. Never skipped a pill.. and wouldn't dare to!
But for some reason, come about 2pm Friday, they seemed to just STOP working. Out of nowhere. Woke up feeling decent, was able to eat breakfast, picked up the girls, laid them down for nap... and oh man, it hit me like a ton of bricks. From then on, there wasn't a span of 15 minutes that could go by that without me running to the bathroom. I.was.so.sick. Again.
By about 430, when things were not improving and I had done a swell job of scaring the daylights out of both girls, I called the mama for some reinforcements. I just could not stay all evening, like was planned.
She came home and let me leave and I had to pull over twice on my way back home. Not pretty. [This is my apology to all the 5 o'clock traffic drivers on Lakeline Blvd Friday evening, I'm sure you didn't appreciate some crazy woman practically swerving off the road to throw up in the grass. I am sorry you had to see that!]
Of course I crawled right into bed when I got home, and spent the majority of the night back and forth to the bathroom.
Same situation Saturday.
Same situation Saturday night.. but worse.
By Sunday morning I knew I was getting (or already was) dehydrated again, and couldn't keep the meds down. Called the after hours nurse, who paged the on call dr, who told us to go back to Labor & Delivery. Again.
By 10am Sunday morning I had been wheeled into my room (yes, this time I so weak I had to be wheeled in) and an IV had been started with fluids and meds.
I just couldn't believe that we were there again. I was so emotional about the whole ordeal, and this time, very concerned.
We met with the on-call doctor that afternoon (who we both loved, BTW) and he seemed very concerned with this "relapse" as well as the fact that I hadn't had a BM in well over 2 weeks. Weeks.
He made the decision to keep us overnight. UGH.
The way he explained it was this: Its a vicious cycle, this hyperemesis crap. You get nausea - prolonged vomitting - dehydration - your body starts breaking down muscle instead of fat - you begin producing ketones - ketones make you nauseous - start all over again.
His theory was the one bag of fluids I received the first time I was admitted made me feel a little better, but didn't flush out the ketones, so it was only a matter of time before they built up and "attacked" again. Which is what happened Friday. He wanted us to stay overnight so that we could really pump me full of fluids, flush out the ketones, and break the cycle. He said it would be easier to "maintain" once we were able to start fresh, than it would be to try and "catch up" all the time. I wouldn't be allowed to go home until 2 conditions were met: a BM, and being 100% ketone free.
So we stayed the night.
The good news, though, was that all the IV drugs they gave me all day allowed me to eat a REAL meal for dinner. Real food! As in, not buttered toast, not plain rice, not applesauce. I had egg drop soup and a spring roll. It was fantastic. AND I kept it down. HOORAY!
Poor A had to sleep on this tiny little fold-out-chair (though they promised the Dads' Beds were better in the actual L&D rooms) and I don't think he slept all that well. I know I didn't sleep well.. but that was because I had a huge IV in my elbow and couldn't get comfortable, and if I did manage to doze off, it wasn't long before a nurse would come in to start a new bag, or give me more meds, or take my temp/BP. I really should have accepted their Ambien offer. But oh well.

We woke up the next morning super early so A could head to work for a few hours. I tried to get some more rest when he left, but was unable to fall asleep. My mom came up to bring
me breakfast (second consecutive meal that I kept down, hooray again!) and to keep me company while A was gone. About 8am there was a knock on my door, and a kind old lady wheeled in this giant machine. Um, what is that? An ultrasound machine! An ultrasound machine!!! Yay!!! We were getting a peek at our little babe!!! Finally!!!! I was sooo excited. Breakfast and an ultrasound?? This is the best day EVER!
I called A and told him to haul booty back up here before 830.. and he did. He got there just in time.
The ultrasound was amazing.
She found the little bean right away, and we could immediately see little Poppy's heart just flickering away! Incredible. And he was a wiggly little thing. He sure likes to shake his little baby bum! The ultrasound lasted a good half hour, she spent a lot of time looking at my ovaries (and discovered a corpus luteum cyst on the right side.. which is common and resolves itself). But she spent a lot of time on the baby as well. His little heart was a strong 177 bpm and he measured (on average, wiggly thing) 2.02 cm. Tiny. But we were able to see feet (buds) and hands (buds) and a little backbone. It was just amazing. My mom got all teary-eyed (as usual) but A and I just sat there in awe.. grinning ear to ear at the screen, then each other, then the screen again. I loved every minute of it. And the most reassuring news was that he was measuring right.on.time for when I ovulated, 8w2d. Perfect. We have a perfect little babe growing in there. And that is wonderful news.

The rest of the day was typical for being laid up in a hospital bed. Lots of IV fluids (still), nurse check-ins, a few family visitors, lots of sudoku, time on the internet (yay free wifi!), trash TV, etc. They decided to phase me off the IV meds and see how I handle the tablets.. and I did well. I prefer the IV doses as they work better and quicker.. but I can't wheel around an IV cart for the next 4 weeks, so I know I need to just get used to the tablets. My dr visited around lunch time and said as soon as I return a clean lab we can go home.. so that was my mission.
Mission accomplished about 330 pm! It only took 6 liters (LITERS) of IV fluids to rehydrate and flush my system.. plus the ice chips and water I was eating/drinking. 6 liters. In 29 hours. Insane! But it worked. I was ketone-free.
Yay!!!
I was so glad to be getting out of that bed, and back into my own. And so glad to walk out of there knowing our little Poppy was safe and healthy. :)

Today was supposed to be my 1st OB appt, and we are still going in as scheduled, even though it's really like the 6th time we're seeing her since we got our BFP. The appt today is more of a follow-up from the hospital, but I'm sure we'll have the typical 1st appt Q&A time. Everything else you'd expect to happen at that appt has already been done.. labs, PG confirmed, exam, ultrasound. Check, check, check, and check.
But we will be getting another peek at Poppy, and I can't wait. My dr wants to take a look with the higher quality equipment at her office, to make sure Poppy dated correctly, and to print us some pictures!! Apparently the floating u/s techs aren't allowed to print pictures, and my dr understands how sentimental those first u/s pictures can be! I love her! :)

So sometime this evening I will try to post some pics of our sweet little Poppy.
And I hope he cuts Mommy some slack from here on out... if going through all this hell hasn't proved to Poppy how much I love him, I don't know what will!!!

8w3d

Never thought my life would change so soon.

Of course, when we made the decision to TTC, we both knew that it would change our lives forever. Bringing a baby into the world is the biggest decision/accomplishment of either of our lives, and we couldn't be any happier than to be expecting our first child.
But who knew that things would be turned upside down so soon!
I expected some little things to change right away - eating habits, drinking habits, sleeping habits, goals for our future, home remodeling, saving money like mad, waist size, breast size.. those sorts of things. I worried about how things would change once the baby arrived.. financially, with my job, with our relationships with friends and family, etc.
One thing I never expected, though, was for all these things to change right away.
We haven't even had our first ultrasound yet, and already I feel like the rug has been jerked out from under me when it comes to my job.
Of course nobody ever plans on getting as sick as I did last week.. and there's no way to know thats coming. So when I had to miss a full week of work, my bosses' lives were sort of shaken up a bit (a lot!). Suddenly they were in a position where they had no childcare and each had their own, equally important obligations that needed to be met at work. In the 6 years I've worked with this family, I have never had to unexpectedly miss more than a day or two at a time. 2 days they can manage without me.. a week was hell... especially since I had the extra car seats in my car! So, by Friday they had enlisted the help of a friend to watch the girls, and who would have guessed.. Friday my boss (the daddy) was rushed to the heart hospital in an ambulance. He did not have a heart attack, thank God, but they called it a "cardiac event". He had one set of car seats and I had the other.. so when he was taken to the hospital, the mama then had to rush out to buy a new set of seats (the 5th and 6th car seats for the twins!) and rush around town trying to gather her children, all the while wishing she could be at her husband's side.
Talk about guilt!!! I felt AWFUL that I couldn't be there to help with the kids so she could be with her husband. I felt awful that I had unintentionally made the situation even more complicated/expensive by having the car seats. I felt awful that I had put them in such a bind all week, and I hoped beyond hope that the stress of my absence did not play a role in his "cardiac event". Ugh.
Anywho, after that week, the 2 of them sat down and discusses what to do in future situations that may arise should I get sick again, should I have any complications later in the pregnancy (knock on wood), for the days I'll miss work for OB appts, etc. What they decided was to enroll the twins full time in preschool, but only put them in part time (PT enrollment isn't offered). So, the new routine is for the twins to be dropped off at preschool after Big Sis is dropped off at Kinder. They spend the morning there, eat lunch, nap, and then I pick them up and take them home. Together, the girls and I pick up Big Sis, and I have all 3 sisters until after dinner and bathtime.
I'm not excited about the paycut (there go our ambitious savings goals!) and I'm emotional about the idea of the twins being cared for by someone who isn't me... but all in all, I am grateful.
They could have easily (and more affordably, is that a word?) put them in preschool FT and left me to find a new job entirely. But they graciously offered me the PT position and made it very clear that they want to work out some way of me staying with them, in some capacity, for as long as possible. I am also grateful because mornings are still very rough for me.. I usually wake up and have a good hour of terrible nausea/vomiting before I can really get moving. So being able to take my mornings at my own pace is invaluable right now!!
Its still hard for me to wrap my mind around though, that things have already started changing so drastically.. before we've even had a peek at our bean.
Crazy.

Boy Oh Boy, do we have an update!!

I have come to the conclusion that my baby is trying to kill me.
Looking over my shoulder, my mother just said, "Ooooooh brother" and that instead I should say "I have come to the conclusion that the universe is trying to teach me how to make sacrifices before my baby is born." To that my sister chimed in, "Or the universe is trying to teach you starvation endurance for when Poppy gets here!"
Still, I think the little one is out to get me.

To pick up where we left off a couple weeks ago, Thursday, if you recall, was not so good, but not terrible. Friday.. ab-so-freaking-lute-ly AWFUL. Awful. I struggled, and I mean really struggled, through making the twins' food. Changing their diapers was as close to vomiting as I had come (at that point in time). I had a hard time being on my feet without getting dizzy or nauseous, or both. It got so bad by the afternoon that I texted their mama and asked if she could come home in time for dinner because I just could. not. do. it. She did, thankfully. And I went home and crawled right into bed.
That night, I had my first true experience with morning -- scratch that -- all day, all night, never-quit, morning sickness. I lost count of how many times I had to run to the bathroom by about 2am.. when it had been at least an hourly occurance. I have never thrown up so much in my life. This continued Saturday... all day, all night.. and Sunday.. all day, all night. Everything that passed the plane of my lips was sure to come right back up. Any food... without a doubt. Even crackers, dry toast, applesauce.. you know, all the things they tell you to nibble on to keep a little something in your belly. Even water.. WATER, people!.. was unacceptable to Poppy.
I knew it was getting bad when I stopped to realized I hadn't urinated in well over 12 hours. At that point I really began to worry about being dehydrated, and what that would mean for our little Poppy. The fears and concerns over the baby seemed to make the sickness worse.. so I did my best to just focus on constantly sipping on something to rehydrate.
I was unsuccessful at keeping an-y-thing down, so I called into work and called my OB as soon as they were open. They called in a prescription for phenergan, told me to take it right away, and if I wasn't showing any improvement by 130-2pm, to call back. I did as they said.. but couldn't keep the phenergan down. Both doses came back up within minutes of taking them. The OB wanted me to come into the office. I did, and after nearly passing out as I was walked into my room, they decided there was no time for talking, I needed an IV. So they set me up in the non-stress test room (with the comfy recliners) and tried to start an IV. 3 needles later, they got it going. Ouch. They hooked me up to a bag of fluids, than gave me an IV dose of phenergan. I passed out and slept through the whole process, thankful to get a full hour of sleep without waking up to vomit!! Once the fluids were done, they tried to draw blood for labs. 3 needles later they gave up and told me to come back the next morning. They also told us to pick up some Sea Bands and never take them off... so we did. They didn't seem to help much, but I have still left them on (only to be removed to shower, which sadly only happened 2, maybe 3 times all week!)
Went home, didn't vomit all night! You'd think that would mean I had a good night's sleep, right? Au contraire! Apparently Poppy doesn't like phenergan... it gave me involuntary muscle twitches and spasms. And I'm talking my back would arch, my arms would curl in, my legs would flex... it was terrible. Called the after hours line, and they said it was just an "adverse reaction" not anything to be truly worried about.. and it should pass within an hour or two because of the length of time since the dose. So we waited it out and I was losing my mind. Just as I would start to fall asleep I would either get an all-body twitch or an arm spasm. Lovely.
Tuesday morning, I woke up feeling terrible again, but only had to dash to the bathroom once. We made it to the dr for the labs and thank goodness they only had to stick me once to draw blood! Whew.
Went home with a prescription for Zofran and took my first dose as soon as I could. I had high hopes for the Zofran because I've heard rave reviews of it being a miracle drug for morning sickness. But it wasn't good enough for Poppy. Still couldn't keep a DARN THING down.
The vomiting got really bad again on Wednesday, and by Thursday I was worried again. This time the doctor sent me straight to the hospital, to be admitted to Labor and Delivery. Never in a million years would have guessed that at 6w5d pregnant I would be admitted to L&D! The nurses were fantastic! They got me hooked up to another IV for fluids and gave me a dose of IV Reglan.. the 3rd nausea drug we had to try. The Reglan seemed to do the trick! They kept me there until I could drink 8oz of water and keep it down for at least an hour (a huge feat given the week I'd had!!). My dr came to visit me at one point and wrote us a scrip for the Reglan, and told us to alternate the Zofran and the Reglan as often as we needed, starting at 6 hours between. We went home late that evening and I finally got a full night's sleep. It was fantastic. Kissing Andy good night that night I realized it had been a full week since I had given him a kiss.. and it made me sad. He had been kissing my hand, or my arm, or my forehead as he was taking care of me all week.. but I didn't realize how much I had missed his good night kisses.
Friday was a day of ups and downs... I was able to eat a (very small) meal, but then spent the afternoon ill again. So we decided to try a 4 hour rotation of drugs, rather than 6. Saturday (yesterday) was the best I've felt in literally 10 days. Andy had some errands to run and didn't want me to be alone, so he dropped me off at my mom's. Getting out of the house was wonderful! Seeing my sweet baby niece was wonderful. I spent the majority of my time as a bum on the couch.. but it was still great to have the change of scenery. And the best part of the whole day (WEEK!), was being able to eat breadsticks and alfredo dipping sauce from Olive Garden (to-go). Oh, sweet sweet (real) food! Of course I couldn't eat much at all.. I was full after 2 breadsticks. But that was my second pseudo-meal in 10 days and I was very proud of myself, and grateful to Poppy.
Today has been pretty good so far! I woke up and had a bowl of Rice Krispies. I was dropped off at my mom's again and have been up and around the house with her and the baby. I am not feeling back-to-normal, but compared to the week(s) I've had, I feel pretty great!
I am so glad we seem to have found a routine that works.. Alternating drugs every 4 hours and never removing the Sea Bands! (Again, the sea bands are debatable, but at this point I'm not pushing my luck).

I should be able to return to work tomorrow (thank goodness) and I hope I can handle all that caring for the twins entails... diapers, food, etc.
I'll let you know how it goes!!!

About the spotting.. it has continued every day, but not all day long. It is still brown, and still not too terribly much, but some days are worse than others - and of course, those days are hard not to worry! The dr has assured (and reassured) me that everything is fine. Its very common for women to have brown spotting in the 1st tri, and the dr is not at all worried about the amount we've had. Whew.

7w1d pregnant.. Poppy is now the size of a raspberry (about half an inch long) with a strong, little heart beating twice as fast as mine, little hands and feet are growing, and s/he is looking more human-like than reptilian, oh!, and his/her eyes actually have some color! Isn't that amazing!?

Poppy has given Mommy quite an eventful week!

As an update to Tuesday's post, I got to feeling better by lunch time. 

I don't know how or why, but I was able to eat a normal lunch and felt great after doing so.

A few hours after lunch, while talking to Poppy's daddy, I mentioned that I really wanted some mashed potatoes. Mmmmm.. they sounded so yummy! I asked A where he was (usually if he's working close to me, I can talk him into bringing me some food!) but he was clear on the other side of town. Oh well, I guess potatoes can wait.

After hanging up the phone, however, I was still itching for some taters.. so I helped myself to some instant potato mix in the pantry (please know, I am always told to help myself!). Those "cheater" mashed potatoes, as my loving husband calls them, really hit the spot. But, just as I was taking one of the last bites, A called, "Hey love, I'm here at [an intersection close to work], do you still need those mashed potatoes?" 

Awwwwww. He came all the way across town to find me some mashed potatoes! Now that, folks, is devotion. :) It broke my heart a little to tell him I just finished a big bowl of 'em.. but he took it in stride. I think he already knows nothing comes between a pregnant mama and her craving... and lucky for me, he still stopped by for a quick visit.

Now how silly is it for me to be gushing over mashed potatoes? He wasn't bringing me a dozen long-stemmed red roses, no fancy pants night out on the town... he was simply on the hunt for some mashed potatoes, and yet it totally melts my heart. 

That night, after a very unhealthy dinner, I started feeling kinda yucky again so I opted to skip the PNV (I'm so sorry, Poppy!!) because I just couldn't even imagine choking anything else down! So we were off to bed, and much to my surprise, I woke up Wednesday feeling great!

Kinda made us both wonder if the vitamin has anything to do with me waking up sick lately? 

Wednesday was wonderful.. had a fun day with the twins at the park, they took an awesome 3 hour nap, and we met with some friends for dinner. Went home, took the PNV, and hit the hay.

Lo and behold.. I woke up this morning feeling like c-r-a-p again! Much worse than Tuesday's episode though. I couldn't even make it through the shower.. I literally just rinsed off as quick as I could and jumped out so I could curl up in a ball on the bathroom rug. My body was achy, my head was pounding, my stomach was all twisted up.. it was terrible. 

We had left A's car at our pre-dinner rendezvous point overnight, so we rode together to drop him off. While A drove, I passed out in the front seat, again curled into a ball. He woke me up when we got there, and I was seriously worried about how I would drive myself the rest of the way to work. I could hardly sit upright without feeling like I would vomit.. but somehow I managed to get to work.

And ya know what happened when I got there? The minute I opened my car door, without any sort of warning, I threw up... right there in my bosses' yard. I'm serious.. there was no warning whatsoever. And nothing I could do about it. It was terrible. 

I rinsed my mouth out, popped in a stick of gum, and went inside as if nothing had just happened. Too bad the weather man didn't call for a chance of rain today. :::gag:::

Again, by about lunch, I was feeling much better. I am certainly not feeling 100%, but much better. It makes me sad that today is so beautiful outside, I would love to spend the afternoon at the park with the girls... but I really can't.

On top of the nausea today, I had some spotting this morning that about scared the bajeezus out of me! It wasn't much, and it wasn't red.. so in my head, I knew I shouldn't get worked up over it. But I couldn't keep myself from bursting into tears when I called Andy, and then again when I talked to my PG sister, and then again when I was answering the OB nurse's questions.. and then once more, just for good measure, as I hung up the phone with the nurse.

I was terrified.

So, at the nurse's urging, I am resting and pumping myself full of fluids today... and "resting" cannot be defined by running around a park chasing 2 nearly-2-year-olds up and down playscapes, through the grass, around the swings, etc etc. Sorry girls, this beautiful, sunny day will have to be spent indoors. :(

I am happy to say, though, it seems the spotting has spotted. And I am praying like crazy it stays that way!!

Not enough energy.. or brain capacity.. to come up with a clever title.

Back before Poppy, had I woken up feeling the way I felt this morning, there's a good chance I would have called into work. 

"Sorry Boss Man, I am definitely not getting out of bed today. Hell, I may not even roll over in bed for fear of tossing my cookies. Hope the girls have a good day today. See ya. "

Ok, so I would never say that, but I definitely would have at least strongly considered staying in bed all day.

The thing is, in this pregnant-state, there's a good chance this crappy-lump-in-my-throat-pit-in-my-stomach-constantly-taking-deep-breaths-so-as-not-to-vomit feeling that has taken over will probably hang out for a while. That means calling in for feeling this terrible is not an option.

Yippee.

It started yesterday morning, and thankfully was pretty mild.

It was just this nagging queasiness... not what I would call full-on nausea. But it still wasn't fun.

I was moving slowly and breathing deeply, sipping luke warm water and nibbling on mini-Saltines. It wasn't until around 4pm that I finally felt well enough (and confident enough) to actually eat.. so I ate a bagel and felt great the rest of the day.

This morning, though... just rolling over to hit snooze almost pushed me over the edge. I lingered there, half hanging off the bed, for a minute.... trying to let my stomach catch up with the rest of me. A got up to shower and I tried to go back to sleep (like I do every morning). Nope.. wasn't working. As soon as I heard the water shut off, I asked A if he could go make me a piece of toast.

Again, in my pre-pregnant state, I would have just wanted to stay put and not even think about food... but everything I have read/heard says that an empty stomach is bad news for morning sickness, so I figured I better force something down.

My wonderful husband brought me my toast and I choked down about half of it and willed myself out of bed and into the shower.

I was miserable. I didn't wash my face or shave or even put conditioner in my hair- just the essentials... a quick rinse and a little shampoo. Once I was dressed I choked down the rest of my toast, tried to sufficiently brush my teeth without gagging (I failed), and headed for the door. No makeup, no blow dryer, no lotion, no perfume... just the essentials.

I packed up a light (bland!) lunch, then had to sit down to try and ease my stomach again.

You'd think that by skipping 70% of my morning routine, that I'd be out the door on the early side. 

Au contraire.

I had to move sooo slooooow this morning to keep from vomiting, I left nearly 15 minutes late!

Now here I am... sitting at work.. still nauseous like you wouldn't believe.

I'm really wishing I felt well enough to load the girls up and go to Walgreen's - I am desperate to see if those dang Sea Bands actually work. I may be begging A to bring me some on his lunch break.

What scares me is I am only 5w3d along.... and from what I understand, the majority of pg women say m/s lets up after the first trimester. That is like.. what? 8 more weeks?!?! Are you serious?

Come on Poppy.. cut Mommy some slack.

Dear Poppy, Mommy wants her old nose back.

So it begins.
My super-human sense of smell has kicked in.
And its not pretty.

Things that have never bothered me are now pushing me to the brink of vomiting.
Typical kitchen trash cans? Terrible!
Fixing the twins their beloved turkey meatballs? Unbearable!
Changing dirty diapers? Nauseating!
Lets keep in mind, I have changed probably upwards of 10,000 diapers. No lie. I have been wiping baby bottoms at least 5 days a week for going on 6 years. Never had a problem. Until yesterday. I was holding my breath, putting my face in my shirt, turning away, and yes.. actually gagging. Miss G (one of the twins) thought it was so funny though, that she began imitating me.. making coughing sounds for the next 15 minutes. I had to laugh though.. it was pretty cute. She'd fake-cough, look at me, and giggle. As if it was some kind of twisted game. Oh how I wish it was... and that this is as bad as it gets.

I walked into my office/craft room last night.. and immediately noticed that something smelled foul. I began looking around the room for what could be the source of the stench. There is never any food in here (per my strict rules) for fear of something being dripped/spilled on my beloved paper supplies and scrapping tools. The only drink in here right now is a bottled water. The trash can consists of only paper scraps, ribbon bits, maybe some plastic wrap. The closet in here is what we call the "baby closet" but all the clothes and things were washed before being stored. What could that smell be?
I am this.close to having A haul everything out of here to steam clean the carpets.. because that's the only thing I can think of that would be smelling so bad.
Something tells me he won't like that idea, though.
I may have to just invest in some lovely candles, or wall plug air fresheners, or something.

But its ok, Poppy.
As much as I hate gagging at the smell of every little thing, I love knowing that you're in there.
And like I said, as long as you continue to keep that all-day-sickness away, I'll do my best to be grateful for these other symptoms you throw my way.. these other little indicators that you're cookin' in there.

4 wks, 6 days pregnant.
23 days until we get to see you!

Early Pregnancy Symptoms....

I almost felt guilty this morning for wanting to come post about how I feel at this point. I didn't want to inundate my blog with pregnancy posts within just a week of finding out.. but my primary reason for creating this blog was to chronicle our journey through TTC, our pregnancy adventure, and the makings of our family. I want to remember all the ups and downs of TTC so I can always look back with a grateful heart for what we have and how we got here. I want to remember the joys and (literally) pains of pregnancy, both to use as future birth control (haha) and to not let these little stepping stones get lost in time once the wee-one arrives.
So brace yourselves... I may post more frequently these days, and probably about things that will either be boring or TMI, or both. I apologize in advance.. but this is something I want (and need) to do for myself/ourselves.

So... disclaimer behind us, here we go.

I wouldn't even be able to count how many times, in the 2ww, I would scan through a list of early pregnancy symptoms and hope that I could check off more than a few.. meaning we had to have been KTFU that cycle. I would over-analyze every pang and twinge and headache and hunger pain. Every time I could smell something strong (even while standing over the stove making dinner), I'd try to decipher whether or not my sense of smell was heightened or if I could always smell those enchiladas this well. If I had to pee in the middle of the night, I'd try to recall when the last bathroom trip was to decide whether this was of increased frequency.
I'm sure the way I dove into the world of "phantom symptoms" was detrimental to my sanity.. but I couldn't help myself. And I always thought it was so cruel of Mother Nature to make early pregnancy symptoms parallel PMS symptoms. Not very nice, MN.. not very nice.
But let me just say... "tender, swollen breasts" now are nothing like the pre-AF sensitivities. I have had to sleep in a sports bra the last 4 nights just to get a little bit comfy. DH rolled over to snuggle this morning, and I had to move away - just laying close to him was a bit painful! When they say "tender".. they are not kidding. Geez.
Frequent Urination? Check! I swear I pee at least once an hour. When my younger sister got pregnant last year and quickly started complaining about how often she had to pee.. I teased her that (I thought) it was a little premature to be experiencing that increased frequency. I always assumed that would strike later.. when the baby was big enough to actually put pressure on the bladder. Not so much. I pee all.the.time now! (I think I may owe her an apology!) And when I wake up in the middle of the night needing to go, you'd think I drank a gallon of water before bed!
Fatigue? I think there needs to be a stronger term.... severe exhaustion may describe it better. Take yesterday for example.. got out of bed around 10am, made breakfast, sat in the recliner to watch a little trash-TV (The View) and fell asleep around 1130. Not so bad... 330 rolls around, I need a nap! 930pm on NYE and I was ready to turn in for the night. I tried to make it to midnight, but fell asleep on the couch about 11pm. I have been ex-haus-ted.
I have read that headaches are another early symptom.. what with the increased blood flow and all. I have had some pretty ugly headaches, but its hard to say whether they are directly related to the little Poppy cooking in my belly... or whether they are due to the major decrease in my caffeine consumption. I tend to think it has more to do with the caffeine.. but I guess we'll never know. Either way, the headaches come on fast and furious, and are not a bit of fun.
As if the peeing and headaches and fatigue and sore bb's were not enough... the bloating is ridiculous. Ree-diculous. I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant. That is all. So why are my pants so tight by the end of the day? Because I am bloated to the size of a beluga. That's why. DH even commented on it the other day.. "Already gettin' a little belly?" Nope love, that's not baby.. its just bloat. Nice.
And the most pleasant early symptom of all.... oh, the constipation. This is no joke, my friends. It is bad. And I will leave it at that.

I hear the bloating lets up after a while.. so I am looking forward to returning to my old self again, just in time to start the "Is she pregnant or just chubby?" stage. The fatigue should let up after the first Tri, just to return with a vengeance in the 3rd. But I will live it up in between, that's for sure! I anticipate once I wean myself of the caffeine, my headaches will subside. And I am hoping the constipation doesn't last long. The bb's and frequent urination may stick around a while, but thats ok. Its bearable.
But I can honestly say, I will take all these symptoms for the duration (without complaining too much) if little Poppy promises to keep the nausea and morning sickness at bay. Hear that little Poppy, Mommy doesn't want to be sick, okay? Bring on the bloat, just keep that m/s away!

Happy New Year!!!!

A and I have had a fantastic year.

In January, we bought our first real home. I say "real" because it was our really our 2nd house purchase, but the first was a "flip" so we had no intentions of staying there long. We bought the first house suuuuper cheap as a HUD, fixed it up a bit, and sold it a year later. This house, however, we planned on being in for a while. Its much closer to both our jobs, in a quiet neighborhood in a cozy cul-de-sac.. feels much more like home than the first.
In February, I became a first-time aunt (for my side of the family) when my sweet niece Sydnee was born. She has been the light of our family and we have loved watching her grow!

Then, in May we were married.
As I'm sure everyone says, our wedding day was a dream come true.
Everything was perfect and it was so amazing to stand in front of all our loved ones and commit ourselves to one another. Truly a fairytale day for me (and A, though he acts a bit more macho about it!).

We honeymooned in Vegas and had a BLAST! I can't wait to go back.
By the second day there, we had decided we were eager to start our family,
so we devised our baby plan and got to TTC almost right away!

In October, my older sister found out she was finally pregnant after a couple years of trying.
We are SO THRILLED for her and her husband!!!(Best picture I could find of her on my comp, she is holding baby Sydnee)

Then, on Christmas this year, of course - we found out we too are expecting our first.

Though we have certainly seen a few hardships this year,
I can honestly look back and say 2008 was the best year of my life.
So many incredible milestones,
and ending the year with a little Poppy in my belly...
I couldn't be more grateful for what 2008 brought to our life.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful day today,
reflecting on your own blessings of the year.
And I sincerely hope 2009 holds nothing but joy and love,
good health and happiness for all of you.
Happy New Year!!!