But isn't that what this whole journey is.. doing the same thing(s) over and over [and over and over] again and just praying for a different result?
Yes, yes.. that is exactly what TTC is.. at least for a lot of women/couples, anyway.
So, call me insane if you must. I have pretty much self-diagnosed myself as "insane" anyway!
I started (and nearly finished) reading "The Conception Chronicles" yesterday. I've really enjoyed it so far, and its proven be to very informative on what to expect should we need to "reevaluate" next month.
I read this part last night and thought how ironic it was that I picked up this book on the very day I blogged about my (not so temporary) insanity with my outburst at my husband, and the day after I whined about the holding pattern! (Thank you universe - for drawing my attention to this book yesterday! Maybe you aren't so bad after all... )
I ear-marked the page to quote it here, tell me if it sounds familiar. (This is from Ch6 "The Angry Ovulator", pg 94)
" There's A New Emotion In Town
By the time you finally hit your fertile window, you are consumed with unfiltered, unabridged anger, and guess who the lucky recipient is to bear the wrath of your rage? That's right, it's the man you swore to love in good times and bad.
Why are you so angry? You're angry because life as you knew it is on hold. You'll get back to volunteering . . . once you get pregnant. You'll refocus at work . . . next month. You'll skip the second glass of wine at dinner . . . just in case. You'll start working out again . . . after the baby comes. All these things make you angry, but most of all, you're angry because you're still not pregnant. Literally, every aspect of your life is affected by your attempts to have a baby while your husband's life goes on as normal. He's working, hitting the gym, enjoying that extra beer and meeting friends for poker. Aside from having a lot more sex, things are basically status quo for him.
Your husband isn't the only one adding to your angst. If one more fertile friend tells you to "just relax and you'll be pregnant in no time," you're going to lose it. You've heard the story over and over, about so-and-so's cousin who was told she could never conceive a child, so she adopted and guess what? Of course, we all know what happened next . . . she got pregnant . . . on her own . . . without even seeing a doctor. Hurray for her! You paste an intrigued look on your face while using every ounce of energy you have left to suppress your primal urge to tackle this woman to the ground and beat the smugness out of her. If you weren't wearing your nice pants, you'd do it.
You can't wait for this torture to be over. Prayers to God no longer start with hopes for world peace. You've limited your request to one: "Please, please, please, God, let me get pregnant this month." "
A-FREAKING-MEN!
I cannot believe how much those words mirrored my own thoughts from the last few days/weeks/months. That may be the best $12.95 I've ever spent - just to see that I'm not crazy, that I'm not alone in feeling the way I feel a lot of the time... that this is such a natural and common reaction for women who are trying everything they can to get pregnant. I love this book. I love the women who wrote it.
You should read it if you haven't already. It is so damn relatable, its unreal.
2 comments:
That sounds like a great book!! Much better than the one I'm reading now. ;-)
You know you're not alone, and you know that we're all here for you! But isn't it amazing that there are so many others that go through this that there's a BOOK about it? Glad you found something that speaks to you. :)
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