Well, that was fun.

Yesterday was my SIL's first baby shower, for her first child. I co-hosted along with my MIL and my other SIL. Given the circumstances of our current situation TTC, I was really worried about how'd I'd feel when all was said and done. 

In the days leading up to the shower, as I was making the final preparations for our activity, and doing all the grocery shopping, and picking up the guest book frame, I had several conversations with myself about what to expect and how to react. I reminded myself over and over that I am genuinely so happy for her and her husband, and I am so eager to meet his baby boy. I reminded myself that I cannot fault her for her own good fortune (getting pregnant in the days after our wedding - when we wanted to be the ones getting KU!). I reminded myself that she is lucky to not have a clue what kind of pain I am in at this point, and that it would not be fair of me to give her any inclination of it. Everything will be fine. We'll visit with family and friends we don't get to see often, we'll eat some yummy food, perhaps indulge in a glass of wine or a mimosa, we'll oooh and aahh over tiny little clothes and blankets and toys and books... it'll be great. 

And the shower was great. We had an excellent turn-out, delicious food, a chocolate fountain, she got amazing gifts, we made a cute little book for her chalk-full of advice.. it was a lovely shower. 

But was I great? No. Not even a little great. 

I expected to field a question or two about when A and I were planning on having babies. I had already decided to answer, "Oh, one of these days" so as not to give too much info hinting at us TTC, but also not too little that would give them opportunity to bounce back with a follow-up question. What I wasn't expecting, however, was that 2 of A's aunts thought we may already be pregnant.  Here's why... after our TGiving trip to Port A with his immediate family, the plan was to go eat another big meal with his dad's extended family. Everyone went straight to A's uncle's house as they got back into town Sunday afternoon. But that was CD1 for me - which meant I was all kinds of crampy and emotional about the confirmed failure of the previous cycle. Couple that with how overwhelmed I was by the trip to the coast, and I just could not handle the thought of sitting through any more big family functions... so I called my mom to meet us in town to pick me up and A went on to the dinner. He told everyone I woke up with an upset stomach and the 4 hour car ride didn't help matters, so I went home to go to bed. To everyone there, that meant I must be pregnant. Even though A reassured everyone that we are not, apparently nobody believed him.

So, at the shower, I was ambushed by 2 of his aunts. Ok, "ambushed" is a little harsh.. but I believe they thought they had safety in numbers so they double-teamed me! They approached me saying they missed me last week, and they're glad to see I'm feeling better. I agreed, yep, glad to be better. Here's how the rest of the conversation played out:

Aunt1 said something to the effect of, "Was it just that day you were sick, or have you been sick any since then?"

Me: Just that day, thank goodness. It was miserable.

Aunt2: Oh, we thought maybe it wasn't just an upset stomach..

Me: Well, I don't think it was food poisoning or anything, I ate the same thing everyone else did at the coast. Well, aside from the fish.. 

Aunt1: Noo, we meant.. like.. some good news worth sharing..?

Me: What? No. We are not pregnant! Didn't A tell you that? I was just sick...

Aunt1: Well, yeah, he did say that.. but we thought..

Aunt2: .. maybe he wanted you to share the good news, didn't want to steal your thunder?

Me: Well I can assure you that, one, we are not pregnant, and two - if we were, we'd let you know. We wouldn't be secretive about it, and we certainly would come up with better excuses than a stomach ache if we were trying to be. 

Aunt2: (laughing) I'm sorry.. I hope we didn't offend you. 

Me: No, you didn't, don't worry.

But they did. Kinda. 

I mean, they didn't really offend me, but they definitely rubbed salt in a wound they didn't even know existed. I thought I had been doing so well about smiling through the pain of the afternoon, not letting on that my heart was broken - but at that moment, all my courage was sucked away. I thought "41 more minutes.. I can last another 41 more minutes without losing my mind. Then A will be here to pick me up and we'll go have a nice dinner with a grande mexican martini and I'll be fine." 

5 o'clock rolls around.. my husband is not there like he said he would be. I called him at 504 - "Where are you? I have to get out of here.. you said you'd pick me up at 5 and you lied! I knew we should've taken 2 cars!" All he said was "That bad, huh?" but it was enough to deduce me to tears. Luckily, he was on his way, so I was able to make a clean break shortly thereafter. 

What I didn't know at the time was he made plans with friends of ours to meet them for dinner.. I would still get my grande mexican martini - but I would be sipping it a table with our 2 friends and their 2 kids. Yippee. I love these particular friends of ours.. and she is one of the few who we told after the wedding that we'd be TTC. She is amazing about not hounding us with questions or fishing for updates.. just lets me to cry to her about it when I need to. But it had been a couple months since we've seen them, so she couldn't help but ask if we are still trying. I just quickly and quietly said that yes, we're still desperately trying. 

She sat there for a moment before saying that she's been praying for us and she knows it will happen soon.

I was so surprised, and so touched!

This is the first encounter for me (or that I've even heard of) where a fertile myrtle knew the right thing to say at the right time. No lame "relax" advice, no stupid "it will happen when its meant to happen" advice... just encouragement and prayer. I wanted to get up and give her a big hug, but kept my cool. I don't think she even has any idea how much those simple words meant to me. 

So, as hard as it was to sit there with a baby and a toddler after enduring the most painful baby shower that ever was, I was really glad we had dinner with them last night. 

Today is CD9 - and I'm still trying to pull myself out of my gloom-and-doom funk so I can once again return to the Pre-O happy-and-hopeful phase. I'm getting there...