HOORAY!!!!

BENIGN.

Benign. Hooray Benign.

I got the call Wednesday afternoon that said everything looked good. I repeated "good?" and the nurse said, "Well, as good as a tumor can look I suppose. It's not cancerous. That is good, isn't it?"

UM HELL YEAH its good. It's great!!!!

What a relief. 

But she did say that my doctor would be calling me a little later to answer any questions and explain what needs to happen next. And she did call later - and explained that ultimately the decision is up to me and my husband but her recommendation is to have the tumor surgically removed before we get pregnant.

Well, in theory - yes that sounds like an excellent plan.

In reality, I may be pregnant right now.

May not, but we had pretty perfect timing this month so we most certainly MAY be.

I am 7dpo (thanks babs, I just said that as 'post op' in my head!) today and I'm sure you can all understand why I WILL definitely be testing early this month.

As soon as we know whether or not we are pregnant, we will devise our game plan.

We will either jump up and down thanking God that we were able to get pregnant in 5 short (read: long) months, proceed to shout it from a mountaintop (read: tell my nesties), then call my doctor to figure out how often I need to have breast ultrasounds done during the pregnancy. 

OR... we will sulk for a bit while reminding ourself that it has only been 5 short-long months and in this particular situation it is probably best (medically, not emotionally) that we are being given an opportunity to rid my body of all evil before it tries to grow another human. Then call my doctor to set up the consultation with my surgeon.

Instead of looking at this as an evil catch-22, my wonderful nestie friends told me last night to look at it as a win-win situation. We will either get this baby we have wanted for months and months and months, or I will be able to remove this thing that has decided to throw a wrench in our plans. Both are wonderful. Neither is a dead-end. I should be happy regardless of the outcome this month.

What an odd contradiction.

This time about 1-2 weeks ago, we had serious baby-making on the brain.

Everything I ate, thought, said, did - everything revolved on when we had our window of opportunity and all our plans centered around getting home to get down to business. 

It feels so unnatural now to not know what we hope for more - that second pink line, or the chance to put this surgery behind us. 

I don't like this conflicting emotions.

Anywho, thank you to all of you who lent me support via your kind words and encouragement and good thoughts/prayers. It meant so much to see such an outpouring of love, and apparently there really is something to this 'nestie dust' I hear so much about!!!

Yay, no cancer!!!!

Isn't that AWESOME?!?

PS - My boob is not a pretty sight these days - and it hurts.

Wonder what it will look like after a nearly 3 cm chunk is taken out???