Nope

BFN.

It sucks.

Even though I know I should be positive about it in light of recent events.

Even though I told myself I would not try to rationalize or make excuses this time.

Even though I know this just puts us one step closer to our day to shine.

It still sucks.

We had PERFECT timing this time.

I had AWESOME-quality CF.

I had a green-light, all systems go message from the OB.

It should have worked. 

But didn't.

And it sucks.

When I saw the words "not pregnant" pop up on the screen I immediately started rationalizing by telling myself that yes, it is 10 dpo today... however, I Oed early this month (at CD12) so I am still anywhere from 7 to 9 days before AF should arrive - according to my typical cycle length. So, perhaps it really is just too early to test (even though I have said that with every other BFN and so far, I am 0-5 on the 'testing too early' excuse).

My husband, bless him, was very kind this morning - trying to comfort me and remind me that this is probably best this time (this one and ONLY time).

So thats what I'm trying to focus on - we need the time to sort out the surgery situation.

This is a blessing. 

Ha - a blessing. That's funny. 

No, wait - I'm supposed to be positive. Its a blessing, its okay, this time... its ok. 

What is NOT ok is that I still haven't heard from the Referral Coordinator at the hospital who is supposed to get me in touch with my surgeon. Doesn't she know we have been trying to get pregnant for 5 months and do NOT want to have to avoid for more than one cycle? Doesn't she know that this non-life-threatening lump in my boob [as opposed to what other potentially life-threatening situations may be on her list ahead of us] is getting in the way of what we have wanted and hoped for and tried our damnedest (wow, I've never had to write/type that word before, how the heck do you spell it??) to get?? Doesn't she know I only have about 4 1/2 weeks to meet the surgeon, schedule the surgery and fully recover from this?? CALL ME!!! I really want to get this ball rolling, lady (or man, but in my head - you're a lady).... please, we really don't want to put off our baby dreams that long.  I don't know if I would be able to handle not trying for more than one cycle. 

Please... pretty please.. just call me. 

HAPPY NEWS:

Our friends J & C (the preggo in the photos below) welcomed their second son, Jamison, to the world at 1045pm Friday night. He was 19 1/2 inches long, 8lbs 3 oz and gorgeous. He arrived very quickly and med-free (go C!) - but the med-free part was only because they barely made it to the hospital in time and it was too late to worry about epidurals or pain meds. However, C said the med-free birth was a much better experience than the epi with her first son, and should she have any more children, thats the route she'll go again. Au naturale. Good for her! 

And welcome baby J... we've been waiting to meet you!!