Conflicting Information....

Just got back from our consultation with the surgeon - and we are now officially dumbfounded.

Fortunately the surgeon's opinion is to leave it alone. Not operate. "Close this chapter and not think about it again."

Sounds good, right?

But when we asked him why, every bit of information he gave us conflicted with everything we were told by my OB, the Radiologist, and Google.

At one point he asked me why I wasn't more excited by his opinion, and I tried to say, without crying, that I was just confused.

'No surgery' is exactly what I wanted to hear last week, and I have been nothing but terrified for the last 10 days - but I want to know WHY he wants to leave it alone, and WHY I really have nothing to worry about. Its hard for me to completely disregard or forget what the 2 other doctors told me, and in separate conversations I might add.

What he was saying just didn't add up to me after everything we learned initially.

I want to be excited about no surgery, but I still have a lot of unanswered questions and concerns.

He examined me this morning but was having a hard time finding the actual adenoma because there is still quite a bit of swelling and bruising in the area from the biopsy.

Right now that plan is to go back in 2 months for another ultrasound, with the surgeon present during the procedure this time.

So, thats at least 2 months before we can TTC again.

At this point we are thinking we will hold off til the new year regardless.

Get through the next ultrasound [hopefully have everything come back with much better results that time] and get through the holidays before we start trying again.

I have yet another appointment with my OB on Oct 23 to address this separate issue that has come up. I will post more info as I gain a better understanding of what's going on.. basically all I know right now is that my pap came back revealing low-grade precancerous cervical cells. They told me not to be alarmed (yeah, okay) and to come in to talk with the dr about what that means and what we can do about it. She said it will likely be something of little concern or something very easy to take care of. Whatever that means.

She, my OB, is the one who put the bug in our ears to consider postponing TTC.

We agree with her notion that now just isn't a good time. There are just too many other things going on right now that need our full-attention.

Hoo-ray.

Like I said before.. when it rains, it pours.

It is absolutely pouring.

I just need to look down at my ankles every once in a while.

Huh? Why?

When I was a junior in HS, I had a friend, Alexis, who commit suicide. Obviously that was a very difficult time for all of us that were close to her - but what we came away with was lesson in coping and in learning to lean on loved ones when times get tough. One thing Alexis always said to others was to remember that "on every life a little rain must fall, but the sun never fades forever." Ironic? Yes. But its true, and her story taught us to ALWAYS remember that, even though she may have lost sight of it.

The sun NEVER fades forever.

When we turned 18, a lot of us went to get tattoos to honor her and remember her - a rain drop on one ankle, and a sun on the other.

I just need to look at my ankles... the sun will return. The rain will let up.

Right now we're in the thick of the storm - but we'll pull through.